*29-11-2025*

heyya shit dude,
wanted to have a talk with ya..
came back after giving exams, ate a brownie, and then crashed at around 4pm. woke up around 12:30am, couldn't even walk properly because of all the sweat in my body. took a bath at midnight, just kept mumbling to myself “bro why the hell it isn’t cold today?” and didn’t even shiver. feels like how you perceive cold is just as much in your head as in the air.

tried playing sh2 for a few minutes, but man, 1am is not the time for that. too scary, too tense.

gave the '86 japanese film guzoo a watch instead.
feels like i won’t be sleeping tonight after that.

then i scrolled through my letterboxd, saw i logged a film back in oktober ‘25, Salo.
kinda wild to see how much that stuck with me. deleted almost everything before 2023 to start fresh, so it was like bumping into a ghost.
i was going through my letterboxd saw this recent film i logged back in oktober '25.. i've deleted almost every film i saw before 2023 so that i can start all clean. the film explores the idea of how fascism in its absolute extreme takes total control of human bodies. it's a pretty graphic film. regardless, again queer people make some of the best works of art.

after that i just sat there and started writing about music i’ve been spinning these past few days(check out index>reviews>music reviews).
just surreal to think that stuff like this is happening here, not some faraway europe/us scene. feels personal. feels close.

and rn here i am, staring at my computer's screen, probably not gonna sleep anytime soon.
the night’s just stretching out, i guess.


*now it's 3pm, wrote this immediately after waking up*

zomg!! dude, i literally just woke up at around 1pm (slept again at like 8am or smth, idk man), and i swear on everything i had some CRAZYYYY dreams!!
like an actual trilogy of surreal chaotic wholesome-ness.
it was like me entering a gaming landscape, a freakin' nightmare, as if it was real life, and then randomly ending with this wholesome lil moment.
my brain was running its own cinematic universe while i was knocked out, lmfao.

so, i don’t remember everything in perfect detail.. it’s honestly like trying to play a 6th generation vhs tape where half the footage is static, glitchy, buggy, cracked and you’re not even sure if the audio is someone screaming or the tape dying. but i do remember enough bits for the whole thing to still linger in my head, hahah.

the first dream started with me “playing” dark souls. except nah, not even playing. i wasn’t holding a controller or anything.. i had straight up entered the dark souls atmosphere/landscape. like i literally materialized inside the universe. fog gates, ruined castles, cursed ambience, the whole damn thing. i remember i was inside some sort of an abyss, but it was kind of bright and i also had characters who were guiding me.

and the funniest part? i’m 99% sure this happened because my lil brother was watching those weird poppy playtime “new theory dropped!!” videos before i fell asleep.. yk, the ones where the guy keeps talking about the tiny details in the trailer, his own theories, connecting dots of plot and guess characters etc.
so whatever that guy was on about probably seeped into my dream, and since i was inside dark souls, my brain was like “ok bet, let’s just make everything he says appear in real time.”

so i’m literally seeing new bosses, weird ahh characters that definitely do not exist in the game.
i still vividly remember this one black knight.. dude was INSANELY strong. like, i swear he had some kind of stunning RT fuse attacks that felt like they could break the sound and game's barrier. every swing felt like a mini nuclear event(literally).
and i’m over here trying to fight him, and the whole scene honestly felt like a full shounen anime fight, like a hunter x hunter fight. i also remember that i rewatched uvougin v/s kurapika after 3-4 years, so that must have influenced the "plot" of the dream.
yk, those dramatic winds, intense stare downs, running to the oponent, them doing some sort of crazy ahh attack which doesn't even exist in the game. and that “i will not give up!!” energy, LMFAOOO. plus there were a bunch of other creatures in the background, all moving weirdly, and it was honestly one hell of an experience, dude. equal parts terrifying and cool.

then that dream just cut. like the tape snapped or someone hit eject, lol.

and suddenly a new dream started playing.. and THIS one seriously felt like someone found a vhs tape in a haunted attic and recorded over it six times to another VHS tapes. so many parts are missing i guess, there are transitions weird as hell, everything feeling uncanny in that specific “why does this feel so wrong but also familiar” way since i don't remember much about the dream.

this one was more like a nightmare. not extreme “i’m gonna die” horror, but like a mild nightmare that keeps your nerves on the edge.

so our class apparently went on an excursion again (dream logic is wild). this time we went to some kind of haunted renaissance era French italian blended.. temple. YES, a freakin' temple with mix of idk, lmfao.
don’t even ask me how that architecture works, because i genuinely have no idea what the hell my brain was trying to create.
but the place was filled with spirits and entities. like, everywhere i looked there was some ghostly silhouette or some warped statue watching me.

the visuals were messed up too. i remember everything felt like i was on some kind of salvia trip (didn’t actually take anything in the dream obv), but i was seeing melting faces of my friends, distortions, creepy shapes moving slightly wrong.. just that eerie-ly haunting stuff. i also remember i was running to ask my friends if they're seeing things as well, lol.

then, out of absolute nowhere, some random kid fell off the mountains nearby. just straight-up fell. everyone panicked and rushed him to the hospital. i don’t even remember if he survived or not.

the weirdest part? almost everyone went to the hospital to check on him, and apparently nobody told me anything. so i’m just standing there alone in this haunted renaissance italian french temple type shi, thinking everyone left and i’m gonna have to live here forever like some tragic ghost caretaker. but again, i didn’t even know someone fell, bro. so, i felt more like they accidentally forgot me and went home, lmfao.

i remember it was evening.. that kind of evening dark blue fading into darker blue type of sky.. and everything was getting creepier. i was lowkey getting tense thinking i would start seeing even more dangerous stuff, like if it escalated from a salvia trip into some full on datura trip.

and then suddenly, my friends and teachers arrive in a bus, and they tell me that “heyya, some kid fell off the mountains.”
and i’m like “dude, REALLY??”

we got onto the bus, went back to school, and i THINK the dream ended here.
either that or i knocked out again inside the dream and woke up the “next day” in dream world. dream within a dream type thingy, yk?

and then the final part was so random but also kinda sweet. i think it was night time and i was at a balcony (or maybe the rooftop, dream logic doesn’t care), and this girl i kinda like was passing by..
well, why wasn’t it one of my male crushes.. DREAM? what’s your deal?!
apparently she somehow lived in my neighborhood in this dream world. she waved at me, i waved back, and then i was shocked like "nah bro, this can't be real"😹😹

i went downstairs to talk to her for a bit. i don’t remember what we talked about.. that part is foggy.. but definitely it was kinda wholesome, like the dream finally gave me a break after ALLAT chaos.

and honestly, the whole dream.. all three acts.. felt like i was inside some random surreal ahh david lynch film.
bizarre mood, crazy entities, dreamlike surreal feel, uncanny transitions, weird tension, random wholesome sprinkle, all of it.
i guess, it happened because i woke up at around 12:30am, took bath at 1am, played silent hill 2, watched guzoo '86, did eerie stuff and all..