*04-12-2025*

minutes listened – 72,590
72k minutes, that's basically 50 days or something like that. like what do you mean i spent basically a good chunk of my existence with headphones glued to my skull?! honestly feels right though. that's like.. the one constant. some people meditate, some people jog, i apparently just drown in sounds for a casual 72k minutes.

also bro.. the wild part is i don't even spend most of my time on spotify. i'm usually buried in soulseek (which tracks literally nothing), so the fact these numbers are still this high is.. VAGUELY terrifying lol.


genres listened – 372 distinct genres
spotify really called me out here. 372??? bro i don’t even think there are that many objects in my room. at this point i’m basically a walking sonic buffet. i will probably just eat anything. experimental harsh noise? yes. medieval black metal syth? sure. maybe some vaporwave remixes of mario kart menu themes? why not.

and here are my top genres –

1. trip hop
2. symphonic black metal
3. art rock
4. experimental
5. rock


dude okay listen.. i didn't expect trip hop to be the crown holder this year, or maybe i absolutely did. like i knew i went back to portishead, tricky, björk and massive Attack ALOT this year, but i kinda assumed progressive rock would swipe the top spot like it usually does. but nah, prog got benched because apparently i forgot to do my annual deep dive. hasn't happened since like 2024(apparently the year where i went into a deep prog ocean dive). kinda wild.
but honestly? i think i like this. it feels like my brain subconsciously decided to sink into these eerie-ly haunting atmosphere and smoky basslines this year and i'm NOT complaining at all.


listening age – 48
bro this is hilarious. but honestly? if i was born in 1977, i would've not liked it maybe. i don't wanna an infant who grows up in the middle of the golden years of everything i worship. i would atleast wanna be a teenager during this period of time. like imagine being 4 when king crimson drops discipline, i won't even know tf is that. but i would love being a teenager when swans were scaring entire venues. btw, just realizdd 1977 is literally the year pink floyd were out there doing their animals tour, which has some of my favourite live performances ever. tragically i wouldn't have been alive enough to actually go to these concerts.
like what do you mean that i can't go to kani hoken hall in tokyo on april 28-30, 1981 to listen and jerk my meat while robert fripp is straight up lookin' at my soul. i kinda love how nerdy-hot/cute he is. also i still have no idea how my brain remembers that king crimson performed their three of a perfect pair shows at kani hoken hall in tokyo on april 28-30, 1981. but then put a chemistry equation in front of me and i immediately malfunction, or maybe i can remember the names if it's a psychedellic. actual clownery.


top song - army of me by björk (141 times)
141 times. dude. i thought i was looping it more aggressively but i guess i'm maturing?? last time i had like 300 plays or something on a top track. but hey- quality over quantity.

top album – post by björk, listened for 4176 minutes

top 5 albums i've listened to –
1. post by björk
2. dummy by portishead
3. debut by björk
4. the machine by dead world
5. morning light by locust
every year i swear björk just beats everyone else into the ground. post & debut being the top album makes so much sense because i kept throwing it on for literally everything.. while walking, taking a shower, studying, eating, existential spirals, dramatically staring at walls, etc. dummy and morning light sliding in right under it also checks out. very trip hop core of me, hahah!!
dead world & locust making it there gives the list this weird industrial + ambient undertone like i was sonic shapeshifting every two hours, lmfao.

my top artist was björk, listened to 'em for around 8776 minutes. spotify says i'm top 0.007% global fan.

top artists i've listened to this year –

1. björk
2. portishead
3. swans
4. king crimson
5. death grips

idk 0.007% is insane or not. but honestly yea, björk running my entire year feels right. portishead being #2 gives me that silent nodding approval. swans being #3 means my brain probably melted several times. king crimson and death grips rounding it out feels like the two ends of my personality shaking hands.


also, there's some new thing called "club", the club i belong to is cosmic stereo club, and my role is collector..
spotify says 3% of global music listeners belong to my type, or better say - i belong to that 3%
also, there's this new thing spotify does, they use ai to pick some special days..
so, the archives spotify made:


13.05.2025 – "biggest trip hop day"
i love how they framed this like some cinematic event. late evening into night i was apparently swimming through björk’s debut and post, then drifted straight into king crimson, portishead, and swans like some sort of moody musical pilgrimage. then afternoon me circled right back to björk and portishead like i was orbiting them. 687 minutes, 190 tracks, 14 different artists.. super concentrated trip hop aura day.

08.09.2025 – "most diverse day"
bro this one is chaotic. starting with aphex twin, massive attack, goldfrapp and björk in the morning is one mood, but then jumping to swans, burzum, and darkthrone during the afternoon is like.. what was i doing emotionally that day?? by night i apparently switched into crystal castles, throbbing gristle, banda, vaporwave, and slint. that's literally no two hours alike. 649 minutes, 177 tracks, 78 artists..

28.09.2025 – "most repeat heavy day"
this is the day i fully spiraled into repetition. looping locust's morning light, sugarcubes' life's too good (specifically coldsweat, lmao), and björk's volta (declare independence!!) over and over again. 94 repeated tracks, 620 minutes. 44 artists.

26.10.2025 – "biggest music listening day"
955 minutes. bro that's almost 16 hours. i basically lived inside MUSIC that day. apparently i kicked off since 1am with debut and post, then spiralled into king crimson, portishead, daughters and swans. then afternoon me was like "yea, let’s do led zeppelin and dead world" before summoning celtic frost, bathory, morbid angel, and then finishing off with alice in chains. that's like four different universes glued together.

05.11.2025 – "most energetic day"
i still can’t get over the fact that spotify claimed it was powered by "black metal and phonk".
PHONK??? bro where??
like yes i definitely blasted throbbing gristle and made of pain overnight and then mgła, morbid angel, bathory, strid, krohm, forgotten woods and darkspace absolutely kept the pulse self harm centric, but energetic?? idk man.
maybe spotify thinks "listening to depressive suicidal black metal" = energetic.
regardless, 880 minutes, 217 tracks, 51 artists. absolute chaos, not energetic.


regardless, it's 2:34 am
imma watch the 2nd half of mulholland drive
i think i watched around 1 hours and 40 minutes of the film
this one's way more confusing than blue velvet, but atleast it's not THAT violent as blue velvet.
i will write a proper review afterwards, lol.

just completed the film and it's around 4 AM

bro.. i just finished mulholland drive and i swear to god..
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I JUST WATCH?!
like, dude, my brain is still vibrating in some liminal pocket dimension. i went into this thinking,
"haha blue velvet but maybe less violent?"

and then i hit the play button at around 2:40am, i got absolutely blindsided by the emotional horror of realizing this movie is.. kinda just ME but projected into deranged hollywood nightmares.

like okay listen..
i swear something possessed me to pause the movie at that 1h40 mark a couple days back. like some weird instinct was like, "nah dude. not right now. you're not emotionally stable enough for the back half yet".
and BOY WAS THAT INSTINCT CORRECT!!!
because the second half?? dude. that shit hit like a truck made of guilt, longing, failed dreams, and unresolved trauma. i thought i was safe because "oh it’s not as violent as blue velvet"..
but nah. this film said:
"okay, what if instead of violence i just stab your entire sense of identity?"
cool. thanks lynch.

and i'm NOT even kidding when i say this film felt SOOOO personally relatable it was almost uncomfortable.
like diane selwyn?? that is one of the most painfully HUMAN characters ever. she's messy, bitter, hopeful, melancholic and relatable and trying so hard to be someone that the world never let her be. she wants things to go in her way, but it just doesn't :c
so, she dreams.. DREAMS.
her dream self felt like the exact fantasy world i retreat to when reality is just too sharp?? like it's literally the same vibe as my maladaptive daydreaming or actually dreaming where i create a version of myself who's talented, amazing, a great environment, is loved and everything FINALLY goes right.
like dude.. her dreaming felt like MY dreaming. the escapism. the "i will fix everything in my head because i cant fix ANYTHING out here".
SOOO SOOO SOOSOSOSOOSOSOS REALL!!!!

and the way the movie slowly rips that dream apart??
bro. WHY IS THIS SOOO PERSONAL??!!

also, the fact that lynch is basically like "yea, figure it out yourself, i'm not explaining shit" is honestly kinda iconic. man really crafted a psychological puzzlebox and then dipped.

after i finished, i legit had my head down on my desk like:

"ok what the fuck is happening.
what happened to me.
what happened to HER.
what even IS real."
then i fell into the deep dark hole of reddit threads + video essays + interpretations just to feel slightly less insane.

but honestly?? once you watch the whole thing, it DOES start to click. it's like the film rewires itself in your head. the whole "ok so the first half is the dream.. the fantasy where diane gets the girl, gets the career, gets the attention.. and then reality just shows up like hahah no”
it's SOOO devastatingly real??

because the real diane is.. well, she's burnt out. failed dreams. unrequited love. jealousy eating her alive. hollywood promising her the world and giving her crumbs.
she loses camilla, she loses her shot at success, she loses herself.. so she builds this dream world where she gets everything she wanted.
and then it collapses. violently.

the diner monster figure?? bro that thing is literally depression manifested like a cryptid.
the cowboy?? i think that hat is like a trauma one wears.. i mean also him telling you "wake up, idiot"
the blue box?? it's the symbolism for reality, i guess? the moment you can't escape the truth anymore.

and the club silencio scene.. DUDE.
that whole "there is no band.. it is all an illusion" scene??? that hit so hard. like the film just turns and looks directly at YOU and is like:
"you know the dream isn't real, right?"
and betty/diane literally starts shaking because she KNOWS.
like bro tell me that isn't the exact same feeling of waking up from one of those intense daydream spirals where everything felt so comforting and perfect and then suddenly you're just.. you again.

and bro.. the music?? the roy orbison "crying" cover???
i don't know why but it unlocked a whole new layer of the film for me.
because after the film ended, i went back to listen to the original.. but the main thing isn't this, it's when i went back to listen "in dreams" by orbison(the song used in lynch's '86 film blue velvet).

dude, i was just VERY intrigued by the fact that how the lyrics started making MUCH more sense than ever. the lyrics suddenly feel like they were written for diane selwyn. or maybe me. or maybe anyone..
as if like david lynch had referenced this as well.

like just listen to the lyrics:

"i go to sleep and i drift away, into the magic night.."

that's literally her. that's literally ME.
escaping into dreams because real life is unbearable.
ALSO, inside the dream, where rita says "let me sleep, sleep will fix things" it shows how we think escaping reality makes us more yk feel better..

"in dreams i walk with you, in dreams i talk to you.."

that's diane trying to recreate camilla in her fantasy. trying to rebuild a version of her that stays, that loves her back.

and then:

"but just before the dawn, i awake and find you gone.."

bro. that part almost hurt. waking up and losing everything again.
that "i can't help it if i cry" line?? dude, TOO REAL. too real for comfort.

when rita says "i thought the dream would fix everything" i swear i felt that in my fucking bones. like YES. EXACTLY. that's literally why i daydream this hard.. because we think it will fix things. because the dream world feels safer than life ever did.

and then reality hits her like a train and everything unravels.
the dead body. the blue box. the cowboy waking her up. the old couple haunting her like the ghosts of innocence she can’t get back.
and then dude.. the ending.
i just sat there. in silence. closed my eyes for quite a good amount of time. like DAMN.

this whole film is basically one giant emotional mirror and unfortunately it reflected a little too much.

i swear lynch made this movie for people who dream too hard, love too hard, and fall apart quietly.

rest in peace, david lynch.

anyway. i'm still decomposing emotionally.
but holy shit, what a film.