*24-10-2025*

rn, i'm listening to erblicket die töchter des firmaments by burzum and i'm completely losing myself..
i can feel smth, like a light burning sensation which is coming inside from my body and trying to damage me, and make me feel very uncomfortable.. it's like "how freakin miserable is to live a life", and now i'm kind of feeling it instead of spiraling over it.
i feel like breaking smth, or do smth very yk noisy or like trying to remember what could i do with the razor while shaving.. FCK it!!
idk what it is
it's like squirming
my body doesn't feels well
i know very well, anything which i will try - as a form of escaping things will result in me getting more in that despair mood.
i'm so corny and edgy and worthless imbecile arse creature, i shouldn't be living dude.

i want smth which gives me an unique experience, somewhere where i'm not limited by anything, i don't want my expression or identity to be seen by others, i want smth special and unique, yk?
i don't want it to be visible because visibility here only means exploitation.. the moment you're seen, you're sold.
social relations, emotions, data, creativity, culture.. all of these have been commodified. such a miserable society, dude. it's FCKIN' inherently meaningless to try live in it.

i'm trying to score drugs so that i can sedate/numb my worthless arse but can't get 'em.
i don't wanna do opiods, cocaine or those things, basically hard drugs..
maybe try marijuana, but currently i'm not getting 'em.

i should probably try datura, that's freakin' free and i can find that shit near my house without paying a penny.
if i die, i die, who tf would even care anyways, nor do i care about it.. it would be for all good, i guess.