*28-10-2025*

bro it's literally 2am rn and i cant tell if i'm awake or just looping inside a dream. today's chath puja, so apparently we're supposed to head out at like 3am.

anyways, i called my friend over for a sleepover, cause we're going to the ghat together.. i rang him up around 11pm (technically yesterday, i guess) and he was like, "yo pick me up, i'm scared to come alone." like bro. mf's afraid of shadows.

so there i was, cycling at 11pm. almost everyone was asleep and dude.. the darkness wasnt even dark, it was freakin' thick. like smth you could fall into if you werent careful(i mean it wasn't like dark souls' abyss but yk kinda beautiful).
like how do i say? not even the kind of dark that's scary, yk? more like.. peaceful in a creepy way? kinda silence that hums in your bones. i swear, for a second, it felt like the earth was breathing slow, and i could finally hear it. it felt SOOSOOO peaceful i mean dude, i really wanna feel that shi again, maybe with someone besides me this time.. not alone.
but yea, i felt small but not absolutely in a melancholic manner.. more like the stars were watching me, like "look at this bozo, out here touching grass at 11pm tryna feel smth." and yea, i did feel smth, maybe.

anyway, i got him midway, picked him up, and we cycled back, and i was yappin "dude, i haven't touched grass in a millenia.. why's everything so dark" and he's like "dga, it's midnight, this is normal".
whatever dude, i haven't touched grass since 2020, so yea..
we got home, booted up some dumb games, scrolled through random videos, and then went to bed at around 12am.

now, here comes the ahem ahem part.. so, since y'all know i'm so corny & weirdo, i told him about today i shaved my pubic & arse hair and i wanted him to touch and feel it
and i got excited.. but he was like "huh, what?" while silently laughing.
then my hands went in his warm belly and i started tickling him and slowly started proceeding towards his schlong.. but he was like "ayo, dude, no😹"
then he went on and made me go sideways and he started humping my back LMFAOO and he also touched my manly breast, i felt kinda weird when he touched my breasts but idk what was it LMFAOJAOHAHFAOFH
then i again started to tickle him and started proceeding towards his schlong, this time he let me do it, but he didn't let me touch his schlong barehand, he had put his underwear as some sort of barrier..
i wanted to touch and throb his schlong soooo badly :c
and then he touched my pubic area and remarked "dude, why tf is this soo smooth" and dude i literally told you that i shaved😭🙏
i mean- i went to take a bath at around 7pm, and got out at around 8pm or so
60% of my time went by shaving my arse delicately :)

oh, regardless, then he was like "dude, just sleep lmao"
and i was daydreaming about throbbing and suckin' his schlong :c
i really wanted to do it tho😭😭
he then slept and i couldn't('cuz of maladaptive-ly daydreaming BWAHAHAH)
now here i'm writing this
guess this is all i wanted to say

WHAT HAPPENED AFTER TS-

later that (i mean today) day we went to the ghat, right?
and then we called my third friend by cycling (let's call him eric).
but the thing is, we all came out just for ciggs.. like literal idiots chasing smoke.. and every damn "pan dookaan" was shut.
so we started roaming the highway like wanderers with no purpose, hoping for one single open shutter that would bless us with nicotine and flame. the roads were empty but not silent, i guess.
ther's this weird kind of sound in silence, yk? like when you can almost hear electricity and those lights in the poles, or your own thoughts stretching.

and as we circled back to the ghat again, those two mfs were like "bro, all this happened because of you"
i mean- yea probably my fault but anyways.
but then we actually saw one open, and both of 'em got so damn hyped.. like we discovered some sort of civilization.
he grabbed three ciggs and like fifteen chewing gums.

then, of course, he forgot to get a lighter or matchsticks.
so i had to go ask my mom for matchsticks, pretending it's for littin' up firecrackers.

we found a secluded spot, a patch of half light near the trees and some houses nearby, and started lighting up.
the first drag was just off.
i felt a VERRY slight wave of nausea, like my body saying "what the hell are you doing?"
not in a moral sense, but in a biological, raw resistance sense.
a slight dizziness, numbness..
coordination felt.. delayed, yk? ik, my tolerance for anything is just weak.

it's weird.. weed slows down time, alcohol dissolves it, but cigarettes? they just blur it.
ciggs just aren't worth it, i guess. almost nothing happens, better try marijuana, that's a real one which numbs and sedates you(i mean for a 16 year old weak tolerance kiddo it's perfect for meh; even though i've never smoked it more than two times in my entire life, hahah)

then eric goes, "bro, did we really come here to smoke these? i wanted weed or smth better."
and we all just laughed, even though that laugh had a layer of disappointment(atleast for me).
me & eric paid that cornball(plug) back in 26th of september and he still hadn't delivered it yet(it's 28th of oktober).
a whole month gone. feels like waiting for a ghost.

and then we did allat masti majak and all.. i started feeling sleepy asf.
my head felt heavy.. not like the headache type.
my dad was telling me to go to school, but i could barely stay awake.
so i crashed at like 6:50 a.m.

ok, btw i dreamt about something..
holy shit, it wasn't insane...

i woke up inside the dream, and somehow i had this ability to time travel.
idk if it was a machine or just sleeping again inside the dream.. like hopping servers(but timeline) in some game.
but yea, i ended up in 2008.
idk how i remember that it was the year 2008 though.

i saw my mom.. and i told her, "yo, that's me, your son".
she looked confused as hell
and when i explained, she just stood there like reality glitched for a sec.

and you know what the first thing i thought of was?
"wait, if it's 2008.. i can finally get a brand new camcorder with a CCD sensor."
bro, i literally cant escape all those obsessions even in dreams :c

i started hopping between 2000s and the current timeline.. like switching radio frequencies.
one second i was there, everything soaked in that old warm sunlight.. the kind that doesnt exist anymore..
and the next second i was here again, in this washed out blue light of led modern-ity.
it felt so real, man. like touching the texture of a lost decade.

then i brought eric into it somehow.. idk how, maybe i "taught" him the trick?
so he followed, and when we landed there, he was like,
"yo dude, we're in the 2000s.. but are we actually in it?"
and i was like, "wait.. we weren't even alive until 2009, right?"

then i asked some random kid, "heyya, is this the year 2008?"
and he goes, "no :0"
i tried to remember what he said after that.. maybe 2024 or 2025..
but the dream just blurred the number, like it didnt want me to know?

then eric laughed his usual laugh, that stupid "ayo dude, it failed" kinda laugh.
and i laughed too, but deep inside, i felt something shift.
like the dream wasnt really about time travel.. maybe it was about longing.
like a glitch between nostalgia and despair.
the pre-2000s werent perfect, but they felt like something.
today everything just is.
you exist, scroll, spiral over your thoughts, sleep, dream.. rinse and loop.

regardless, when i woke up, my tongue was dry as sandpaper.
maybe from the smoke, maybe from dehydration, idk.
i brushed, drank a ton of water, then chai with sweets, a brownie, and kachori.. that combo pulled me back to life, somehow.

idk what that dream meant, if it meant anything at all.
but i like to think it was my mind's way of telling me:
you can't really go back(reference to when we asked that kid in which year are we in, and he said 2024/25)
but you can still touch the edges of a lost time if you remember it hard enough.